Men Often Misunderstand Meditation

Yesterday I was talking to a clinical hypnotherapist, who got her doctorate doing meditation research in a corporate setting. She was given access to the sales staff at this company for 6 weeks, it was a male dominated company and they were rooting for her to fail. 

Yes, I said they were rooting for her to fail. They wanted to believe that buying bagels on Fridays and having a ping pong table was all they needed to have happy productive employees.

When her research found that the employees had a statistically significant increase in sales (which amounted to millions for the company) and were happier at their jobs, they brought her on.

Then the pandemic hit. Rather than doubling down on the benefits of her research, they took the opportunity to let her go because they still didn’t want to believe that this weird woo-woo thing made a difference. 

I always find it interesting when you come across something that is traditionally dominated by men, but when brought into Western culture, becomes something that’s primarily done by women. Meditation has been most commonly taught to clergy.

My Dad learned to meditate at the seminary, but they were told it was too hard for lay people. Since that was a Catholic seminary, that means only men. Same thing with most Buddhist traditions, at least in the past.  

I have a couple of theories on this. One is that masculinity in the West is pretty imbalanced. What I mean by this can probably be best explained by thinking of the Yin and Yang symbol. If you were to draw a line across the circle, through the center of the circle, you can’t find any place that’s all black or all white.

That’s because in reality is always a combination. In Western thinking, we don’t always allow for that balance. Western masculinity is all Yang, and no Yin, any Yin that shows up in Western men is judged and disparaged.

Some men feel like masculinity is always being bashed and criticized. The truth is that imbalanced masculinity is what people are talking about. This masculine ideal in the West is imbalanced, and imbalance is always problematic.

On an individual level imbalance leads to health problems, and feelings of restriction. Just as the many ways women have historically been restricted from certain careers and other forms of limitations, men experience that too. It can show up as thinking that things like meditation are just too Yin, woo-woo, or too feminine to be taken seriously.

Bruce Lee his philosophy in martial arts and his goal was to “be water”. Having that ability to flow and adjust. Mohammed Ali said he would “float like a butterfly and sting like a bee”. 

Have you ever noticed that all serious martial artists include meditation in their training? If you have any experience with martial arts, you’ll probably know that the mind is more important than strength alone.

If we look closer at the way people in the West often view meditation, you’ll hear a lot of references to things like “navel gazing”,  daydreaming, and that it’s all touchy-feely. 

So let’s talk about the Yin and the Yang of meditation. The sitting, stillness and quiet of meditation are very Yin. What’s often overlooked by people who aren’t familiar with Eastern traditions and philosophy is that there’s an entire Yang aspect of meditation. The structure of the technique in Yang. The dedication to mastery is very Yang. Even setting a timer is a Yang thing to do. 

So when people practice meditation and embrace the balance of Yin and Yang, it can be compared to elite athletes and their journey. It requires a certain kind of presence and focus, but not the kind of focus that’s too rigid. There has to be a flow to it, an ability to adapt.

The mastery of the technique, and the recognition of the structure of the technique bring in the aspects that balance the quiet stillness. Quiet stillness without the structure quickly turns into a nap or daydreaming. 

Thought I always love working with women, many of my favorite students have been men who don’t believe in meditation. I love how they do all the steps, and follow all the instructions so that they can reach the end and tell me it didn’t work. I have never had a student do all the steps and not be transformed.

You might think that meditation is just this weird thing that may as well be a big hug, but the truth is that meditation is something with more in common with athletics. Sure, you’ll probably become a better person, and a happier person, but you’ll also gain mastery over your own mind. You’ll strengthen your focus muscle. 

If you think of the most powerful businessmen, you’ll find that the majority of them meditate. They’ve moved past the outdated misconceptions and embraced meditation. Few things are more powerful than a strong mind.

*Typos and errors included at no additional charge.