How to Smash The Patriarchy 

without getting it all over your avo toast

Ingredients:

1 small organic fair-trade avocado, during the peak 15 minutes of ripeness, or don’t do it at all.

1/2 an organic lime, preferably from your Instagram perfect garden

2 slices of whole grain artisan toast, or gluten-free bread

Pink Himalayan salt and fresh-ground pepper

This recipe is very simple because smashing the patriarchy need not be complicated. You’ll need one very, very large bowl for the patriarchy, and a smaller bowl for the avocado. 

Clean the avocado and cut in half. Use that nifty trick with a knife where you hit the avocado seed with the sharp blade, and twist to remove the seed. Scoop the avocado out with a spoon, making it all look too easy.

Using something like a sledgehammer, hit the patriarchy every time it tries to rear its ugly head. This will be a lot like whack-a-mole, and could take a century or more to complete. Not total, a century from now. It really depends on your commitment. 

In the smaller bowl, use a fork to mash up the avocado. Squeeze the half lime into the avocado. Add a pinch of that beautiful pink salt and a twist of pepper to taste. If you’re feeling extra salty, add more.

If smashing the patriarchy has left you feeling exhausted and dehydrated, pour yourself a fresh glass of that organic lavender wild-flower honey kombucha you made when you realized that Black Lives Matter. #BLM

Toast the bread, and while you wait, take a few more swings at the patriarchy. Be sure to get a pic for social, or it never really happened.

When your bread is ready, let it cool just a bit before taking it out and putting your avo mixture on top. You can top your toast with red pepper flakes, a fried egg, or white tears if it seems like acknowledging white privilege is a little too much for you today.

If you completely F%$# it all up today, just take a deep breath, get a good night’s sleep, and try again tomorrow. 

Anti-racism is a lifestyle, not an identity. Also, keep smashing that patriarchy until it falls. 

*typos and other errors provided for your entertainment.